I consider myself to be an Indigo Child, one born on this Earth with heightened awareness and abilities associated with past lives on this planet and beyond it.
From an early age, I never felt like I belonged here. Never felt like I belonged with my family, or in my body. That sense of connection, of home, I should have felt resonated instead with the sky and the stars, with things beyond our concepts of self.
I also had abnormal (by Earth/traditional standards) obsessions.
Old places, from houses to cemeteries, and old things fascinated me because I could sense the stories and people behind or within them. They still do, and I still can, only now I don’t just sense the spirit and energy, I can hear, see, and feel it. I can communicate with departed souls awaiting incarnation / ascension, or rather they have a habit of reaching out and communicating with me since it’s not something I actively try to do (yet …).
Certain locations or pieces of history have called to me as well, mostly during my childhood and teen years. I loved History in school, and fell in love with Ancient Greece, Buddhism, Celts and Druids, and more. Even as an adult, I’ve found myself drawn to places seen online and even felt drawn to the city I now call home, despite house hunting nowhere near it. All of these places, and time periods, they’ve come to be related to my prior journeys on Earth.
It is these … differences … that made surviving a childhood and early adulthood full of abuse and trauma possible. I had this unshakeable hope and a belief that there was something bigger for me. While my environment wasn’t supportive of either, or my abilities, I had books that I got lost in, that I travelled to other places and other lives in. I had a love for reading that was gifted to me by my four primary guides who have always been with me.
I am beyond grateful to them for that gift, for that escape, for that protection from what was going on in the world around me and from what was happening to me.
Don’t get me wrong, damage was done, and I spent far too long off the path to my remembrance and reawakening, the path of my purpose, because of it. I lost touch and active curiosity with my abilities, beyond odd feelings like déjà vu and feeling strong connections to places and things, for nearly 30 years, from around ages 8 to 32.
That is a long time for distance and separation from those things to take hold.
I’m nothing if not resilient though, and the road to finding my way back to my path, has been a roller coaster ride of healing, remembering, and upgrading. An enlightening and fun one that has had my inner child going weeeeeeeeeee throughout the feelings of anxiety, fear, doubt, and more that I have had to work through and let go of.
It has been a process that I’ve put work into, and taken small steps toward, over the last ten years. Puzzle pieces that have slowly but surely fallen into place, opening me up to realizations and experiences that would prepare me for where I am today, without me realizing it of course, because we rarely do until enough pieces fall into place.
The first puzzle piece was an unconscious acknowledgement of my inner truth, that I (all of us) come into this world whole, innocent, worthy of love and happiness.
I found this truth in a photo of myself as a baby, a photo that represented to me the last time I had ever truly smiled and been happy, that represented to me who I was before the interference of abuse and trauma and false narratives that were to come.
On the back of that photo, I wrote affirmations and an unspoken promise to that little girl …
You were innocent
You deserved to be loved and protected
You deserved to be happy.
Whenever things got hard, when I started to feel like things would never get better and wanted to give up, I would look at that photo and repeat those words. I would tell myself that I owed it to that little girl to give her a life where she was all of those things. I made myself accountable for giving her that life.
It may seem silly, but in hindsight I have realized that choice opened me up and allowed me to begin the process of looking back and seeing the truth of those affirmations in every instance of abuse and trauma.
In the time since, I’ve never once been able to look at that face and believe anything else to be true.
It was a start.
It was the beginning of what I hope will be a never ending story.
The second puzzle piece came a few years later and was an unconscious acknowledgement that my thoughts and emotions, my mental health, the things rioting inside of my head, were not ME.
I found this truth on the edge of a literal cliff on Mother’s Day, after months spent facing my grandmother’s (who was like a mother to me) worsening dementia, facing my removal of my mother and her abuse from my life, facing the removal of my oldest daughter from my life for the protection of my other four children.
It was all too much, especially on that day, and my mind was pushing me, telling me to jump and end all of it. Luckily for me, my truth was louder, telling me those thoughts weren’t me, that I didn’t want that.
My truth helped me back away from that cliff and towards my car. That truth caught a single pink rose laying abandoned on the ground in the middle of nowhere, a piece of hope and a call to the photographer in me that distracted me enough to get me back in the car and back home.
I’m not going to lie, that moment shook me and I lost myself in the year that followed. The narrative of abuse from my mother reared it’s ugly head and convinced me that everyone would know what happened and know that something was wrong with me.
I let social anxiety take hold, which for a public figure is a constant living nightmare.
I confused losing trust in my mind with losing trust in myself.
The third puzzle piece came over the course of the next year, although I didn’t fully recognize it for what the larger truth within it was until a few months ago. It came in the form of a quote on contrasts …
“There is neither happiness or unhappiness in this world; there is only the comparison of one state with another. Only a man who has felt ultimate despair is capable of feeling ultimate bliss. It is necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to truly live … the sum of all human wisdom will be contained in these two words: Wait and Hope.”
– Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo
The quote made me, once again, look back on that moment at the edge of that cliff and see the truth of the words, to see that it was a call to choose between giving up because of everything that was happening around me or to pick myself up and keep moving forward towards fulfilling the promise I made to that little girl, to myself. It was a call to recognize and appreciate the work that I had been doing and how far I’d come.
I took that moment and recognized it for what it was, me being strong enough to walk away from that edge, me being strong enough to keep moving forward, me being strong enough to hold on to the hope that been with me from day one and wait for the bigger I always knew would come.
Needless to say, Covid was right around the corner, followed soon after by a divorce, and followed even sooner after by the passing of my ex-spouse, sooooooooo it’s taken a little longer than it could or should have to truly start reaching for that bigger, but I got there, and I’d like to believe that I got there in the timing that I was meant to.
The fourth puzzle piece came after eight months of realizing that I wanted to help others in their journey through energy and shadow work healing, and then seemingly getting stuck over and over again in my progress.
I hit bottom, or rather what I deemed to be as far as I was willing to go backwards. I turned to therapy, started working on myself again, and more importantly, started truly working with my guides and opening myself up to guidance from them and beyond.
Knee deep into building my connection with them and following up on people and knowledge I found placed in my path, a breakthrough happened. I underwent a meditation session with my truth guide, and while it was meant to be guided, we departed from time and the audio track and forged our own path.
He took me to a place from my childhood, one I definitely had an obsession with. It was there on bluff of tall grass overlooking the water that my guide sat me down, brought forward my higher self holding me as a baby, and told me that my team of primary guides had been with me all along. That I had known the hardships I would face from the start, all along.
Not quite ready to shift my entire way of thinking about my life quite yet, I got hung up on the location, heading home and searching for the photo my mother and I, looking anything but happy, on that bluff I knew I had. What I found was more than just that photo, I found a second one I didn’t remember, one where I was alone and not only looked happy and free, but had my palm up and open as I often do when connecting with my guides.
Something clicked. It was evidence, enough to peak my curiosity, and I went back into that mediation and told my truth guide to show me. And, while I honestly can’t remember the details, I know that my entire childhood played out and I was shown all the times that my guides were with me, all the times my abilities, my light, my energy shined bright.
In one meditation session, less than an hour, my entire world changed and I became, not a different person, but the person I was always meant to have been. The narrative of abuse from my mother that had followed me for 41 years, acting as a filter to everything being given from and received by me without my even realizing it, instantly dropped away.
From that day forward, I began receiving more nudges toward people and knowledge I needed to connect with, receiving downloads, receiving new members to my team, and more.
The fifth puzzle piece came when I opened the door to explore what lightwork, light language, and light codes were.
I had stumbled on two YouTube channels that offered activations and talked about all these things that went far beyond, but at the same time built upon, the energy healing and shamanism I had been studying and doing for the last year.
Curiosity pulled me in, but an inner truth and a feeling of belonging are what kept me moving forward. For the first time in my life, I felt a feeling of home and belonging, and it didn’t come from anywhere here on Earth, it came from up in the sky amongst the stars I loved so much as a child.
Don’t get me wrong, I had my doubts. I’d never connected with a guide that seemed other worldly. I’d never spoken or written a bit of light language before that I was aware of. But then, in the blink of an eye I had and could do both.
My first connection was with the Pleiades, with a mentor and mother figure in Maia, as well as her son who is one of my primary guides. That connection expanded back to Earth with Atlantis and a collective of healers known as Alren.
Silly me, I thought that would be it, that I would explore both, learn of my story when it came to both, and move on. Nope, there was far more to come. Connections and interactions with other galactic races and uncovering my origin point and story in the Andromeda Galaxy.
If you asked me a year ago, hell maybe even six months ago, if I would believe in all these races, let alone communicate with them, I would have said no. But here I am, an ever-expanding believer in more than just my own “something bigger” existing out there.
The Sixth, and I believe final, puzzle piece (ironic, maybe), has been the process of the six aspects of my original soul gathering together, healing together, and closing the circle that is our light body / being together.
It is a process that started only a month ago (yeah, literally a month), right around the same time my team of guides dropped the whole “we want you to start your website in December, andddd we want you to do a soft launch in November, andddddddd we want you to do a 12 day countdown to that” thing.
Good thing they would never ask more of me than I could handle and am ready for, right …
Me being me, I let my mind jump to the conclusion that them dropping my aspects in my lap and telling me I needed to merge them together to unlock my blueprint meant that I had to have that done by the soft launch, or at least the official launch.
Thankfully, after letting me flail around a bit trying to make that happen, they clued me in to the fact that I was never intended to accomplish any of that by November 1st or December 1st.
As I have let go of that conclusion, trusted in their and the universe’s timing, and surrendered to the process, I have found myself being called to share the process, the journey, with all of you over the first six (yep, there is that number 6 again) months.
The version and timeline of me that I was six months ago, she would not have the patience for that, but thankfully THIS version and timeline of me is going with the flow.
So, come December, you and I and the other five aspects of my soul are going to go on a journey together, a remembering together, a reawakening together that I hope will you to undergoing your own, with your own team, with me, or with others in the community that do soul work and integration.
Jessa
To read more about me, my experience, and my credentials, check out our About Me page HERE